Mask

I put on a mask to make you happy
but i can't show what i really feel
if you could see the real me
maybe my life would be easier
this isn't who i am
i'm being who you want me to be
this smile on my face is fake
i can't be in a mood i never feel
i can't turn something fake
into something real
i wear a mask so you can't see what's hidden
i wear a mask so no one can get deeper
i hide myself for the fear of judgement
i hide behind what you guys are making me
this mask is hiding everything you think you know
but one day, i'm ripping this mask off
and being who i want

Tough love

Every little thing I say seems to make you mad
Every single move I make you try to make me turn back
I could rip out my heart and give it to you
But I doubt that would even help the fact
Every single time we talk
Someone begins to yell

There’s pushing, shoving, hitting, marks upon my face
Can barely go out in public, I can’t hear what they’ll say
I try to make your wishes come true
But to you not hard enough
My heart says to let you go
But I figure it’s just tough love

I figure you’ll stop one day
I told it to your face
For standing up for myself
You’re pushing me towards the grave

In public you love me
You can’t stop the smile
When we are at home
You take your anger out

Why am I always wrong?
Why don’t you just leave?
Everytime I ask, you say
You love me

It’s lies, it’s fake, it’s pain
I suffer everyday
You take out the power you have
And lay in the bed I made

Are you done?
Can I go?
Is this not enough?
Do you really not care?

No, no,no, and no. it’s just tough love

Edward Cullen

the blood pounds in my veins as he lays his hand upon my cheek
i lose control of my thoughts as he moves closer to me
i look in his eyes and i get lost in a sea of golden-brown
it could be a million people yet it seems like no one is around
stone-cold body but brings warmth to my soul
no one really knows the story he's told
his beautifully carved face
in the sun it shines
the beauty of this vampire
he's all mine

Love and Death

love is just like death
in the end you feel nothing at all
what started out as something big
ended up as something small
when you're alive and in love there seems like
it's nothing better in this world
gone you feel nothing, and people regret what they said
love is just like living, you feel and need nothing more
once you lose what kept you alive you're numb
like you've lost a piece of what you used to be
love is just like death
but dying in the place of someone you love
is a good place to go
love and death have many things in common
love and death....
sorrow...and woe

My Life

I'm destined for something in my life
as long as i follow my heart
but the way my life has been going
i feel like that road will never begin
i've been through alot in my life
i lost my best friend
i lost my aunt
the pain i've felt has long simmered
but a flame still flickers
no matter how i try
it never seems to die
i'm tired of always trying what i can
and in the end i just lose
there's drama with my family
i always make mistakes
even when i'm supposed to
i don't let anyone in
eventually the wall breaks
unwillingly they let themselves in
i try not to get attached
because as soon as i learn to love
i have to give it back
i've cut over the dumbest things
i've cried over what wasted my tears
i thought at that moment i wouldn't live
now looking back i realize i wasted every ounce of energy over something that went away
when the friendship with my best friend ended i thought that was the end of everything i ever wanted
i was wrong
i took the pain out on myself
i thought about ending it all
until one unexpected day
someone i've never talked too
wrote on my Facebook wall
i didn't know at that moment
he was the one that was going to change my life
though i still have my depressed days
he always makes it right
even with my life savor
i often think of the past
the things i can't change still haunt me
i still cry over the loss of my aunt
not one second i don't think about her
even he can't cheer me up
no smile can cross my face
the memories of her i still have
will never go away
i'm 16 now
through that short amount of time
i've been through so much
things a 16 year old shouldn't have to go through
things i believed would never happen to me
i've been through the roughest spots of my life
i soared easily over the barrier caging me in
when i finally smile and get free
i'm caged in again
it's way to easy to make me cry
over the death of a pet
or the swat of a fly
my heart has had a beating
it can't take much more
sometimes at the end of the day
i'll forget what breathing is for
my anger gets me in trouble
my easily broken heart, gets taken advantage of
because of certain people i've learned to trust only myselsf
i've been in a tough spot with a boy
he almost had his way
he broke my trust in boys
the scars wont' leave
though my life has been rough for me
and i often traveled it alone
there's always one person i know that will be there to accompany me home
i got her and she's all i need
my best friend and my life
i don't have to worry
i know i'll be alright
teased, assualted, and lied to
stabbed in the back
it takes a long time for me to heal
my hearts always been like that
i know though we all have problems
but mine is too unfair
but i know with the family i got
there's always hope out there
i've been gaining my strength
my trust is slowly coming back
my heart's patching up
i hope it can stay like that

I Learned(:

I learned to trust what became lies



i learned to love all the wrong guys


i learned to follow the crowd


i learned not to think outloud


i learned to change to please others


i learned to say what they wanted to hear


i learned to be what i wasn't


i learned to have every fear


i learned that mistakes are normal


i learned regrets will follow me


i learned everything i possibly could


except to just be me

Mom(:

i appericate everything you do for me



though i don't acknowledge it at all


you're what keeps this family together


without you everything would fall apart


we may not get along at times


but i still love you alot


i may not say if often but you should know that


i may not show it often but you should feel it


you're the strength of this family


you're our heart and soul


and it would kill me


if you ever decided to go






I love you<3